Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Homo Motivatious

I'm not here to be average. I'm here to be awesome.

— Anonymous

Unless you're from Alabama, you know other human species besides Homo Sapiens evolved from the the apes, including Homo Heidelbergensis, Homo Erectus, Homo Abilis and Homo Neanderthals; and that none of these other species survived various climate changes.

What you may not know is that a new species has evolved since the late 20th century.

While physically identical to Homo Sapiens, Homo Motivatious are distinguishable by their incessant chirpiness, vapid vocabularies, and eagerness to self-aggrandize.

Members of the species are most often observed in gatherings at conventions and near social media streams (their preferred hunting grounds).

They can be readily identified by their continuous excretion of bromides such as "Work hard, dream big," "Create your own sunshine" and "Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo."

Scientists studying Homo Motivatious have found strong evidence to support the theory that the species developed immunity to normal human emotions such as boredom, jealousy and resentment. But scientists remain uncertain as to the reason the mutation was favored.

One scientist who examined the skull of a species member has concluded Homo Motivatious evolved not as the result of abrupt climate change, but abrupt economic change.

Her conclusion is consistent with statistical data gathered over the past 50 years.

The data show the earth's population of Homo Motivatious rises during periods of job decline, and falls during periods of job growth.
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