Thursday, December 30, 2010

Paint Me a Picture

I've been researching a hot technology lately.  My efforts have included reading the Websites of 40 firms in the "space." 

In doing so, I've encountered statements like these on every, single site:

"We are committed to continually driving innovation within the industry."

"Innovation is the backbone to everything that we collaborate, develop and deliver."

"Our passion for developing innovative software solutions is surpassed only by our commitment to our clients‘ success."

"Our team ranks among the best in the industry."

"Our goal is to empower your organization with the revenue it needs to advance its mission."

Not persuasive.

You might advise the firms to ditch such drivel as, "Our team ranks among the best in the industry."  That would help a lot.

But what else could they do to improve their Websites?
  1. Tell me why the technology matters to me.  Who cares if the firm is "continually driving innovation within the industry?"  What's in it for me?
  2. Deep-six the fuzzy words.  Don't require me to think so hard.  Words like "collaborate" and "empower" are way too vague.
  3. Paint me a picture.  Use language the way it should be used.  "Show, don't tell."  And employ clear, colorful words.  As Winston Churchill (pictured above) once said, "Short words are the best, and the old words when short are best of all."
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